How many times have you said “no worries,” when there are, in fact, worries?

Sometimes my brain tells me the night is going to be ruined if I’m ten minutes late to my dinner reservation. I’ll arrive and the host will say, “You’re too late, we gave your table to someone else.” Then I’ll scramble trying to find another place to eat, won’t be able to find anything, and my dinner guest will tell me I messed everything up. It doesn’t matter to my brain that this chain of events is incredibly unlikely. While it may not always work to my advantage, I’m very gifted at identifying the worst possible outcome.

Our stress can make us fixate on the small stuff. We can’t control the fucked-up-ness that is going on in the world, but we can go on a cleaning rampage…and make sure that picture on the wall is perfectly straight. The short-term relief after trying to control a situation reinforces the behavior and makes sure you do it again the next time you feel overwhelmed.

Although we may understand that obsessively cleaning our place isn’t going to solve larger problems, anxiety doesn’t always understand logic. When we’re anxious everything feels so huge. And sometimes shit is huge. It can overload us and put us in a constant state of stress.

Confession: I wish we could problem-solve everything away. Tbh my own anxiety would love that. Unfortunately, I know that’s not always how it goes.

Anxiety is an emotion like any other. Emotions aren’t good or bad, they just are. It’s functional. Anxiety before a major event demonstrates we care. And when we pull off that major event, we feel accomplished because we know we overcame something.

This may be a hot take, but my aim is never to eliminate anxiety because it’s a necessary emotion. It just sucks when it inhibits us from doing the stuff we value - like have you ever not been able to focus on time spent with a friend or partner because you were too preoccupied? Let’s get you back to the present moment.

Okay, Marlee, what does this mean for therapy?

In therapy, we’ll learn how to sit with our thoughts. To notice them nonjudgmentally and resist the urge to fix. We will discover what it means to self-regulate. Sometimes it may be pretty (a little meditation, we love her.) Sometimes it might not (also a big fan of the primal scream into a pillow.)

If you want to get real wild, we may even do a little exposure by facing our anxieties head-on. I’m talking about making the first move on your crush, unapologetically setting a boundary you’ve been putting off. Good stuff. And nothing before you’re feeling ready.

I get that this can feel a bit intimidating. It might feel a bit far from where you’re at right now. I want you to know that I’m proud to share some of the load with you. To sit alongside you and let you know you’re not alone in this.